Every Thursday morning, a group of women, made very strong by the fact that they are sharing in the battle against breast cancer come together in the Reach For Recovery Group outside a building at the St James Radiotherapy Centre, unafraid to speak of whether it be a mastectomy or lumpectomy, lymphadema (swollen arms caused by removal of underarm lymph nodes), prosthesis (artificial breasts), chemotherapy, radiation, tamoxifen and other cancer treatments.
Because many of my friends have recently died from cancer, not necessarily of the breast either, and many are fighting the disease, some of whom prefer not to even speak in a whisper about the illness, I decided to attend a Reach For Recovery meeting, where believe it or not a most natural question was asked of me by one of the ladies "so what did you have a mastectomy or lumpectomy" and my most natural answer was "neither, I am just trying to write about your strength in dealing with cancer."
The Facilitator of the Support Group is a Jamaican born nurse, Veronica Roach (wife of former Coast Guard Officer Curtis Roach), who was for many years the Cancer Society's Social Worker, before moving to the Public Health Department at City Hall, and now is Registrar for the Dr Elizabeth Quamina Registry at the National Cancer Registry in the Eric Williams Medical Sciences Complex at Mount Hope.
"Each time I change jobs I tell them at the interview this group is my social responsibility so whoever I work with they have always given me time off on Thursdays" says this very experienced woman who any cancer patient could comfortably and unafraidly have hold his/her hand at any point during the course of the disease because Veronica manages to be both consoling and matter-of-fact about the disease at one and the same time.
One of the women, Barbara Smith Williams, who is positive that keeping the disease to yourself only makes you more ill, was 31 years old "in the prime of my life", with a bad marriage and five year old son when she discovered her lump in 1976. Last week Thursday the Reach For Recovery Group celebrated with Mass and lunch in the chapel at the Radiotherapy Centre their friend's 26-year cancer-free anniversary. Now 57, Smith Williams remarried and despite dire warnings about pregnancy as a cancer patient, did have a second child, a daughter, now 23. "They wanted to abort but I thought even if anything happens to me, my son would have a sibling." So good is her health that Barbara is able to take care of her "not so well" husband , 90 year old father and 88 year old mother - both shut-ins, as with quiet determination she keeps her ear to the ground about all there is to know of her illness: "I shed the bad and keep the good."
With only one recurrence two years after her first diagnosis handed down with a ten year prognosis from her doctor, Barbara has had 24 good years which she accredits to the fact that "God has intervened into my life and has healed me." She loves being part of the support group as "you can always call somebody and talk to them. I have so many new friends, who are supportive and just a phone call away. I also love to minister to others who don't have faith to go through it.
Not everybody can afford a prosthesis so I help to make them. " With a great sense of awe, I looked at the serene faces of these fearless women, backs erect and breasts pointing, as they told of their prostheses, or chemotherapy with its attendant loss of hair and other treatments, with the greatest of ease to the newer patients, and was speechless with admiration, wishing that some others who remain in the closet to the end would find the courage to join and share with this group. You just have to turn up any Thursday morning at around 10 a.m.
Chatting with Veronica at the end of the meeting where women with any cancer can attend but she says "strange enough we have a lot of women with breast cancer because they are the ones who it affects most because I think the breast is external. Some people think our men like breasts so therefore it is a big thing if you lose a breast. The men who make a fuss are the ones who would have made a fuss anyway and would have been doing his own thing before the breast cancer which sometimes just gives them an excuse to leave." Why is there so much fear connected with a diagnosis of cancer, I asked? "Number one, they know off cancer and it is connected with death, but it is not a death sentence as far as I am concerned as sometimes with a heart attack you may go voom. With treatment of most cancers you can live a decent, productive life for many years before recurrence as remember from A to Z there are a lot of letters in between."
On the other hand, Veronica faces the fact squarely that "with cancers, such as, pancreatic and liver you know you are going to die, these are some aggressive ones and will take you right away. So my counselling for those two will be different. I will talk to them about life. There are some things you can do to prepare for death and still live. Things all these women in this group know, such as, we all came here to live and we are all going to die eventually. I advise them to prepare stuff like a Will so when you die what you want to happen will take place. I have lived with people who have had treatment for cancer and see different things happen in their lives like giving away all they have to their children and relatives who they thought was for them, and then lose it all."
"My advice is keep your house and belongings until you die, nobody owns it until you die. Write letters to those you love and leave in safe keeping so that eventually when you die they will get these letters. Whatever your religion, you make it right with your God. Whatever the constant and underlying fear, there are social workers, counsellors, the priest, but you yourself have to come to an acceptance of what is happening in the first place. Talk to your doctor so you know what you have to go through. People will be afraid to talk to you about it but it is what you give out, such as, I don't want to know in which case I cannot help you. You have to make yourself available, you have to want the help before it can be given in a substantial way."
Everybody reacts differently to first time diagnosis. Sometimes there is acceptance and later on fear; some do not hear until later down the road. Fear that paralyses is the type you can do without. Some fear the disease itself more than death as you think how am I going to look after surgery, or if there will be some disfiguring after radiation and chemo. With an open mind you might surprise yourself. Tell yourself, yes, I am going to die but I also have to live and if you have something to live for you pick up the pieces and move on."
Since Veronica has dealt with people who have lived and people who have died, she stresses "you need to know your prognosis so that you will build coping mechanisms." And agrees that sometimes in the still hours of the night, or even day, or even before people, you can cry but your life cannot be tears because nobody will want to be with you.
If you look at cancer in a holistic way, find out about your disease, find out about your treatment. If you can talk to the groups, talk positively to caregivers who know about the positives and negatives, your whole life is going to change as you yourself will know tears can be a killer. And she admits "psychologically that strong life should not be the same because you have been diagnosed with something malignant, but the same mechanism you will use to overcome it is the same you are going to use now to live your life."
You will find that the things that mattered before no longer are important because you have faced something which makes you recognise your mortality. There must be a respectful fear of cancer and its recurrences, not one of cowering and inability to fight as with most cancers time is of the essence so you have to overcome deep fear which will paralyse you while the cancer is growing, so you have to accept and not leave yourself open to succumb to the disease. Says Veronica: "Overcome the fear of not wanting to know as if you find out late it does not make sense, and so the fear will kill you rather than the cancer. While you are procrastinating the cells are growing."