Some years ago, when my three daughters were my late mother's very young grandchildren, if ever I slapped them in front of her, she would say "don't make unpleasantness" and I would point out that in her heyday she didn't seem to care too much whether it was unpleasant or not when she slapped or belted either me or my five siblings. Today as a grandmother of six, Lindsay (13), Arielle (10) who was quick to tell me last Monday when an erratic driver cut in front of us to be careful "I want to live to see eleven", Megan (9), Brandon (7), Justin (5) and Ianna (one), I understand fully what had happened to my mother in the transition from mother to grandmother. It can only be called 'agape' love which is quite capable of pushing the barriers of understanding to its furthest limits.
For being a grandmother brings a totally different feeling to parenting. And although you are quite aware that there must be discipline and correction, you do it in a different way without adopting the "word and a blow" method. For some reason, there is more patience, and that is strange since you are now so much older and your tolerance level should be much lower.
I have however come to the conclusion that whereas your children were your full responsibility 24 x 7, as the young people say nowadays, meaning twenty four hours a day for the seven days of the week, the grandchildren usually go home to their parents.
A favourite breakfast food for my grandchildren, which always leaves their mothers who are my three children with their mouths hanging open, is chocolate cake washed down by coca cola. "But you would never have done that with us, you really must be getting senile" is always my eldest daughter's reaction. What would she have said when a few Sundays ago the only chocolate cake around was the one for an after-service treat, and granddaughter number three and myself decided that chocolate cake it must be for breakfast, had she seen me methodically slicing the entire cake, removing two slices and re- arranging the remainder of the slices so that there was no gap when it arrived at the church. Grandchildren are quite capable of bringing these out-of-character parts of our otherwise quite disciplined personalities to the forefront.
There was no stricter enforcer of bans than I with my children. I couldn't believe my ears when a month ago I heard myself telling my five year old grandson who was placed on a week-long television ban, when he came to spend the day on the fifth day of his ban "as far as Granny is concerned this ban is over today." And when he asked quite concernedly "are you sure Gran, did my Mummy say so", I was even more shocked at my brisk reply that whether she says or not, you can look at Gran's television, and to crown it all actually chuckled when he said "anyways you are bigger than all of them."
And there are so many other incidences of my gross dotishness where these six cherubs are concerned that it would take the whole of the newspaper for me to tell you about them.
I love it when they sit on the carpet in my bedroom munching a snack or meal while looking at their television programmes, and even when my instruction that the drink should not fall on my carpet, is accidentally not carried out, will clean up after them without a murmur. I actually find myself enquiring which side of the bed is better for them to look at their programmes and will move myself to the other side with my newspaper.
The one thing I really put my foot down on is that after 9 p.m. the television belongs to Gran, so their programming ends then. Before my second granddaughter turned ten, she would quietly go off to sleep, not so the other night when she informed me "that's alright I will look at your show with you." And you know what I laughed and said it was okay. In times of yore it would have been "child turn over and go to sleep eh."
However, I do maintain "that is not to say I will let them get away with murder." As the young must be shown the difference between right and wrong otherwise we will breed the delinquents of tomorrow, but as a grandmother, for some unknown reason, disciplinary action takes a different format, and you find yourself going into many a long- winded explanation in reply to the "why" question, whereas my three daughters would have gotten a sharp "because I said so."
And I really do wonder at times, whether if I had not been a working Mom if I would have had more of that kind of patience with my children. Then at other times I do believe that it took this period of time to break away from the traditional methods of correction adopted by my mother, teachers and all those who were placed in positions of authority over us as children
A friend passed away earlier this year and in going through his scrap book found this most profound verse.
Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with criticism, He learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility, He learns to fight
If a child lives with ridicule, He learns to be shy
If a child lives with shame, He learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with tolerance, He learns to be patient
if a child lives with encouragement, He learns confidence
If a child lives with praise, He learns to appreciate
If a child lives with fairness, He learns justice
If a child lives with security, He learns to have faith
If a child lives with approval, He learns to like himself
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.